There are few people I know, in this world, who can make me sleep while speaking. It's not because they are boring, but the sweetest. The kind of tone they hold in their voice boxes is serene and works as a lullaby. Such voices should never hold meetings with me as I get hypnotized by their wonder voice. I either start yawning, which is obviously offending, or start looking at them with a dreamy expression, which again is dangerous for my own sake. Men might get wrong signals you know.
Anyways, such voices should be recorded and given to insomniacs.
Its not like that today is my birthday; just that I am realizing that how does it feel to be a little over your silver jubilee of life. Recently, a colleague celebrated her 25th birthday in a festive manner. The festival started 2 days before and remained there for 4 days. My take out was that becoming 25 is a big deal so why didn’t I celebrate. Maybe for me it was just another year and couldn’t be stopped.
When I turned 25, my mother gave me a surprising look saying “Tum 25 ki hogayi?” I gave her a reality bite by replying “Yes, and still with you”. Her remark gave me a reality bite too that turning 25 for a girl isn’t very congratulatory but may raise eyebrows. As if turning 25 is a sin or controllable factor.
People start questioning your relationship status and its reasons, in case you are single like me. Not only that, but I also realized that girls, who are a little behind to leap the silver mark, consider themselves younger or let us say junior to me. Now, obviously, I don’t expect myself to take out my ID card and show them that I am 25+ and not 40+ so take a chill pill, please. I think this has something to do with our social setup and culture where a girl less than 25 is supposedly still in demand and can fling away with responsibilities. On the other hand, women like me should act MORE mature, responsible, cultured and preferably married with kids. Why am I emphasizing on the word more; because socially speaking, girls should have all the said qualities by birth.
Being 25+ gives me an air of freedom and I consider myself on the confusion-less path. The only thing freaks me most that at 25, I was all settled in life, whereas I know tons of souls who are still studying and planning the future. God, I still can’t figure out why was I in a hurry?
My plans for after 25 were just like making sandcastles ruined by tyrant waves of time and circumstances. Still, I don’t make a fuss of it. In west, people start taking life seriously and make aims much after hitting silver line. Here, in my part of the world, we are done with all the seriousness by the time we reach our silver mark.
Life has its own course to teach us itself, so I guess I had my silver medal. For a while, let’s take some advance courses before life awards me a gold medal.
Last year, for a week or so, my boss asked me to time-in at 9 which means to wake up much earlier than usual. I saluted those people who wake up early and embrace the polluted air, honking buses, side-hitting bikes, and long queues at the signal. I spent that week cursing drivers, pedestrians, and many other things and sighed thankfully when it ended.
For two consecutive years, I enjoyed the luxury of coming to work at 10 am. It’s the kind of time people wish for but to me, it knocked on my door itself. Waking up at 9 and snoozing alarm thrice has almost become a ritual that will no longer be followed.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, only time will tell.
Coming to the office when everyone else has already reached is a privilege in a hustling bustling metro. I hardly had to face traffic jams or wait in long queues for the signal to go green. The best part is I never felt like waking up at the same time as I did in academic days. There were ease and laziness both that prevailed.
But that is not all.
I will have to leave my comfort zone of alarm snoozing, social networking, news watching, boss bugging, team talking, and most importantly bullying. A lot of stuff happened but I escaped all only by wearing ID. I write this while getting info on renewing my driving license which I never bothered before. And yes, I will also miss the untimely buzz on my phone.
Things are always sweet & sour at work but it’s the sweetness that keeps us sane.
So I am hoping that when I bid my farewell, my tenure here forms into sugar cubes to keep me strong and going.
And finally the Facebook is banned in Pakistan till May 31st, 2010.
The order came from legislative level nationwide after much hype of created from Pakistani facebookers against "Everybody Draw Muhammad Day". Since morning the news was making rounds and now finally at 5:15 pm, I captured the image on my work desk.
Hmph, I say we should have ignored these stupid people who are plain attention seekers. But then of all the countries, we pretend to be Muslim's Mecca (Sheikh do you hear me or busy at harem?)
According to my boss, this is a clear conspiracy to keep us away from technology, instead Pakistanis should have created an application or some event where we could draw these Dutch or cartoonists.
On my end, I think its cruel to me. First Pak. govt. put ban till month end and from June 1st, I will have it ban in my new office.
Poor me :(
Update May 20: Wikipedia too is restricted and Facebook banned for indefinite period.
A few nights back, during a discussion about men, I realized some use-your-common-sense facts and defended my ideology. The conversation included my mother, sister, paternal aunt and me.
Inter-ethnic unions can ensue in lifelong rivalries and expulsion from a family which makes life harder for the girl especially. With all the enlightened moderation Pakistan owns, the people are still not out of the mindsets which compel them to follow culture, not religion.
Argument kicked off when my aunty said that she thinks Punjabi men are not respectful towards women and cannot be good husbands, my mother followed her. Her conviction is based on what she or many of us Urdu-speaking are instilled with since childhood against the Punjabi, Pathan, Sindhi, and Balochi. And I personally don’t blame them for this because the situation is vice-versa all over Pakistan.
According to my mother, men from tribal or feudal backgrounds don’t consider women human and mistreat them. I countered her by citing examples of so-called sophisticated Mahajir men who have beaten their wives, abused them, and womanize. Both of the women were quite.
I think that even after knowing the truth, we are not courageous enough to defy the system. Men or a woman must not b stereotyped on an ethnic basis. Men are mostly what their mothers make of them.
I have met people from various backgrounds who consider Mahajir men to be more sophisticated than any other ethnicity present in the country. I tend to disagree with them because humans should remain humans instead of being identified from their caste or creed. Baloch man can be as good as any Urdu speaking.
If a man had to be identified by his ethnicity, then am sure, the finest men should be Arabs for Muslims.
Muslims are just too good at denominating themselves into sects and Pakistanis master the division of a nation.
Long ago, I asked my mother, what fun she gets from window shopping. She replied by implying, arey chaltay phirte aksar kuch acha mil hi jata hai. Aur phir burai kya hai dekhte rehne main?
I recently discovered that window shopping is not only restricted to malls and markets but invaded our houses ages ago.
This is called Bridal Shopping.
Aunties, mothers, sisters, and all the not-so-necessary females form this group and march into houses offering an eligible girl for marriage. These ladies have no idea what they or the man is looking for in a bride-to-be but they hop onto the bandwagon and visit an infinite number of houses. The rejection from this band of brutality has no basis since all they have to do is to eat, visit, and reject.
What surprised me most is being a female themselves, they let a woman go through the agony of screening and sometimes rejection afterward.
In my small span of experience, I listened to some of the interesting rejections from guy’s relatives:
Great Nostradamus sister: “Ummm well, I think she will become fat after having babies”
Dettol Sisters on their 2nd visit to the girl’s house: “House wasn’t clean enough. Her mom must have not taught her.” (I think they wanted a maid cum bride)
Baby Bride hunters: “Girl is old enough for our brother. She must not exceed 24” (heheheheh the brother is 40+)
Material mothers: “Drawing Room tells, the family isn’t modern enough” (I think they wanted the girl to do a striptease on their visit)
But winner rejection yet to come, readers.
Someone I know went for her trolley session and sat beside the guy’s mother who was some palmist. They rejected her because her palm lines were not good enough as per the palmy-mommy.
Imagine!!!
I mean do these women think even once before saying stupidest of statements to the parents.
It’s exactly like when you are sitting at a shop, having a look at silk, chattering about its texture, print, and price. While the salesman tries to convince you to buy, you throw away the silk and leave the shop saying let us have a look in the market and decide.
And why only blame women? Its men too.
A few days back, I asked a class fellow, why he isn’t married yet since he was complaining about how everyone he knows has babies now. He shot back saying he hasn’t found the one. I inquired if he has seen any girl for marriage purposes. Rest of the conversation is:
K: So what exactly are you looking in a girl?
B: Nothing much, I have seen many girls but something is missing.
K: Ohh so you have done your window shopping?
B: Well yes.
K: Still on the hunt? Why?
B: Just looking for someone decent and pretty
K: So you mean your family made you see an indecent and ugly girl
Let’s finish it here everyone.
May GOD give you the strength to be an item-for-sale and sense to the window shoppers.
Note: This post is from Feb 2010 but due to some editing mistake of mine, it has changed its date to recent.
For last few days, news scene is hilariously happening. First we had, our MPA Ms. Samina Khawar Hayat who supported polygamy for a greater cause in Pakistan. According to her, Punjab government to amend the existing laws to allow men to marry for a second, third and fourth time without the consent of their first wife.
Mrs. Hayat thinks tendency of being infidel exists in men only?
But that’s not enough. Our jet black haired PM Yusuf Raza Gilani, gave an award winning statement after a woman gave birth in rickshaw (a three wheeler public transport) in Quetta city. The woman was on her way to hospital on an auto rickshaw when she faced VIP Movement of President Zardari. Mr. President was visiting the city for launching of some development projects, while leaving a common woman in labor pain because of VIP motorcade to pass.
PM Gilani thinks it’s no big deal if a woman is delivering a baby in rickshaw. While addressing in Islamabad a day later, said
“Bachay Too Jahaz Mai Bhee Paida Hotay Hain Rikshaw Main Ho Gaya To Kiya Howa?”
(We have seen many times babies born in Air Bus, now if it happens in Rikshaw what’s the big deal)
I got to save some screen shots to add flavor.
Somebody should give a wake-up call to Mr. Gilani that Quetta is a conservative city and it is certainly not ego boosting for a man to watch sister giving birth in a traffic jam. Neither it’s safe health wise, almost risking a life while giving out a life.
I think our rulers need to come out of their comfy zones to watch how their huge protocols add up to sufferings of commoners.
After the incident, every camera flash came over the new born and every mic directed to his relatives who went through public agony. But a senior columnist Mr. Hasan Nisar made a wise crack by advising the new mother to name his son Protocol Khan or Choudhry Protocol.
Thoughts on garbage while dropping the two missies at their office:
A: Sometimes you just have to ignore these types of men because you are working together for so long
K: I tell you what type is this?
U: What?
K: These are the type of men who don’t have sickness in mind or heart but they are made of filth. These are the men who think if a woman is stepping out of her house; it makes her public property. With due to respect to their mothers but these men are nothing but garbage and that is because of their fathers. Fathers who never respected their children’s mother so how can you expect such sons to respect any woman, be it their wife or mother.
A: You are so correct. Uhhh you spoke like an editor.
K: Thanks.
U: You drive fast.
A: (back door closed properly)
U: (closed the front door as slow as ever to do it again)
Few fathers can leave an impact on you in the most unknown and humble way. You don’t belong to them by blood but by care and concern. They can be your unintentional teachers of life.
Today on this day, two most influential fathers who are resting in heaven, share something common. S. Azhar Zaidi arrived in this world whereas S.Ahmad Razvi left this world today. I am not writing this to pay any tribute or speak too highly of them. For that their children are good enough examples.
I got to know Azhar uncle because his son and my brother are two inseparable friends. He was known to me as a very placid person. A tall and bearded man with tendered expression to put you at ease right at the time of greeting; he never got me nervous. It was not till he came to stay at our place in his last days before flying to the USA, I observed him closely.
Azhar uncle, as usual, stayed quiet but sweet. He was at a loss of his memory but still he managed to remember me as I was a regular face to him after lunch or at dinner. He used to get his things done from his son while I keep listening to his childhood memories and home town stories. He taught me to be a patient listener with a keen interest in the conversation. Uncle was living in a flashback which made me realize that man remembers only what he enjoyed most when his conscience is unknown, the time of carelessness and being free.
He made me feel important for himself by asking where she is while eating his meal. Watching him going through the ordeal and still at peace was a lesson itself. He made me an accomplished being when I used to bring a smile on his face by consistently listening to him and getting inquisitive.
While he was drifting away, his family hold onto him, I consider him fortunate and well paid for his deeds in this life.
Friendly, humorous, informative, palmist, accomplished naval officer and a businessman, that was Baba, as we all knew him since day one.
Have you ever seen a father who carried an aura around him? I have seen Ahmad's uncle. We could easily share a laugh with him about his son or tease her daughter along with him. I befriended Razvis from the beginning of university time and I don’t regret it. They represented genuine arrogance to teach you a lesson for life. Later, they transform and lift you up to the best because that’s what has been instilled in them by their father.
Ahmad uncle was an exemplary father for every daughter present on earth. He made me experience the respect, love, fulfillment, togetherness, and enrichment of the most sacred relationship, marriage.
Do I need to say more?
I am writing this down to remind myself of the time when I learned how to be a parent to remember. You both are treasured and remembered by the person you least expected.
I don’t believe much in Mr. Right, since most of them happen to become wrong at some point of life. Since am an announced single and much naïve in knowing men, a friend keeps sharing dating advice with me. The recent one really makes some sense to me so I thought I must distribute it to everyone who is about to fall in a trap or already fallen.
The 5 traits to look for, are essentials indeed.
None of the advice belongs to me or my friend. It’s by dating expert Lisa Steadman.
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Dating Trait #1: He listens to you
The best way to know if Mr. Next is interested in (and worthy of) being a candidate for Mr. Right? He listens to you. You'll know he's listening when he shows genuine concern, consistently remembers things you've told him (your birthday, favorite food, best friend's name, etc.), and offers emotional support in honest and thoughtful ways.
Dating Trait #2: He connects with you easily
We've all been in those relationships that take W-O-R-K (and suck the life force out of us in the process). When a relationship works on its own, it feels effortless, easy, and fluid. You don't have to force anything, forgive anyone, or turn a blind eye to red flags or gut-twisters. Instead, you communicate and collaborate with comfort, compatibility, and undeniable chemistry. If and when you experience this kind of interaction, you are on to something really special.
Dating Trait #3: He wants the real you
So often, women feel the need to sacrifice some part of themselves to make a relationship work. In the right relationship, there's no need. You don't have to hide, tone down, or apologize for any aspect of you or your fabulous life. With the right partner, you're not only able to be yourself, but you're better able to be the best version of your most authentic self -- no compromises needed.
Dating Trait #4: He's trustworthy
A relationship without trust is doomed from the start. But a relationship with abundant trust? A fabulous foundation for real and lasting love! Built over time, trust is based on the simple belief system that your partner has your best interests at heart and will never intentionally hurt you (and vice versa). If and when you discover that Mr. Next is 100 percent trustworthy, you'll have no trouble giving your heart to him. In return, he'll most likely give you his heart and pave the way for a lasting, loving relationship to unfold.
Dating Trait #5: He enriches your life
In the wrong relationship, your partner tears you to emotional shreds, brings you down, and in general drains your energy. In the right relationship, he enriches your life, inspires you to be your best self, and brings a sense of peace and possibility to you. You'll know Mr. Next is enriching your life if and when he encourages and supports you professionally, personally, and spiritually. And when he does, he may just be Mr. Right!
Lately, I have been trying to freeze the world to avoid interruptions. Sadly, these interruptions don’t let me imagine the frozen world, let alone make it a reality.
Interruptions have variable meaning to everyone. For me, the most annoying disruption is from people who don’t put themselves in other shoes, yet not refrain from passing judgments. These people can be anyone from your family to friends to foes. They step on your feet and tell you it’s not painful at all and you must believe them.
During the last two years, I have learned my lesson a hard way about dealing with social pressures and how to cope up without taking any oral help. From left, right and center I witnessed people putting subliminal force on me for their own interest and in the end leaving it on me to choose. To their surprise, I chose what I wanted instead of giving into theirs.
One thing is for sure, no one can access your worth except your own self. Be it your parents, siblings, spouse, children, friends, etc, they all see yours through their own eyes and mind. People sometimes look up to me for strength and inspiration because I am a few of the females who stand up and fight for a right granted to them. I make some people jealous too. I am sure, I make them think that they are more miserable because they could not find the courage to come out of that misery.
I tell them it’s you who has to decide and take charge of your life. When all is good in your life, the social circle takes the credit by saying “US” and if it goes another way around, it simply becomes “YOU”. So if in the end, it’s always about you, be it you with whatever you choose not others.
Yesterday, I read a couplet behind a bus saying
Hoti jo muhabbat khoon kay rishton main,
Bikte na Yusuf, Misr kay bazaaron main.
(If there was any love in blood relation,
Prophet Yusuf would not have been sold
in markets of Egypt)
GOD must have sent us to this world to understand our being and value it.
So as long as we are alive, don’t be at others’ mercy, or you will be sold cheap. We cannot get as lucky as Hazrat Yusuf A.S. hence only our strength can lead us to our liberty from society and its unseen/unborn interests.
Whenever I start feeling low and question myself, I remind myself that am HIS creation, hence worth a lot more than anyone else could access.
