Note of Gratitude

For the past few years, I haven’t spent my life without a sensation. My senses either went through love or hate or even anger sometimes. During all these years, I tried to desensitize myself from all those events of life which could take its toll on me.

I have succeeded finally.

I am deaf to the rhythm of life.

I am blind to the colors of the rainbow.

I am mute to speak of eternal pain.

Thank YOU!

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Aur zindagi badalti hai......

Wo ishq hi tau tha,

Jo junoon ban kar jaagta tha
Khwabon se nikal kar cheekhta tha
Boondon ki aag se jaltaa tha
Lehron per qadam jamata tha
Baaton ki khamoshi parhta tha
Angdai'yon main simat jata tha
Hujoom main ghumta dhoondta tha
Tanhai main lafzon ko bunta tha


Per ab apni dhun main rehta hai,
Ek alag zindagi jeeta hai.

Ishq hua juda juda,
Hum hue tum se rihaa.

Kulsoom B.Sep 12, 2012
8:22 pm
Picture Courtesy: Amit Richard

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Freezing Past

While reading “One Day”, I looked at time on my iPhone to decide whether I should sleep, and the change of date told me it’s going to be a sleepless night. Getting up on my elbows, I looked closely at calendar date counting years passed by; years spent well.

Fears repaired.

Inspirations instilled.

Aspirations achieved.

Smiles played.

Heart healed.

The night turned cold, hinting on upcoming winters and the warmth of my bed cover put me through a good night sleep.
I signature my past to ashes; it doesn’t worth more.

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Innocence

I asked Ash if she would like to come along with me to get a match-box from my place. We both started talking about why her father comes late from work and how she detests it.


Me: Jab papa late hote hain office se tau aap unka intezar karti ho?
Ash: Ye intezar kya hota hai?


I looked at her in awe and realized it’s not a Hindi word. While I felt envious for a moment, I also considered how lucky she is, not to know what “intezar” (to wait) is. She is innocent and oblivious to the perils of growing up and falling into the trap of her own deeds; the traps and the deeds, which leads us to “intezar”.
At least, some people can wait in anticipation of it to come to an end. But not all are lucky enough. They wait like a hopeless romantic, with no aim and no charm of the future. The wait is just endless. Life abides by the past and procrastinates the future.


I realized that in the age of innocence we demand an explanation for everything and want to know the unknowns. Today, when I know everything (almost), I want to become unknown to all of it again.


I want to return to the age of innocence to shed the burden of knowledge.

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Au revoir

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Last year, for a week or so, my boss asked me to time-in at 9 which means to wake up much earlier than usual. I saluted those people who wake up early and embrace the polluted air, honking buses, side-hitting bikes, and long queues at the signal. I spent that week cursing drivers, pedestrians, and many other things and sighed thankfully when it ended.

For two consecutive years, I enjoyed the luxury of coming to work at 10 am. It’s the kind of time people wish for but to me, it knocked on my door itself. Waking up at 9 and snoozing alarm thrice has almost become a ritual that will no longer be followed.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, only time will tell.

Coming to the office when everyone else has already reached is a privilege in a hustling bustling metro. I hardly had to face traffic jams or wait in long queues for the signal to go green. The best part is I never felt like waking up at the same time as I did in academic days. There were ease and laziness both that prevailed.

But that is not all.

I will have to leave my comfort zone of alarm snoozing, social networking, news watching, boss bugging, team talking, and most importantly bullying. A lot of stuff happened but I escaped all only by wearing ID. I write this while getting info on renewing my driving license which I never bothered before. And yes, I will also miss the untimely buzz on my phone.

Things are always sweet & sour at work but it’s the sweetness that keeps us sane.

So I am hoping that when I bid my farewell, my tenure here forms into sugar cubes to keep me strong and going.

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Fathers to remember !!!

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Few fathers can leave an impact on you in the most unknown and humble way. You don’t belong to them by blood but by care and concern. They can be your unintentional teachers of life.

Today on this day, two most influential fathers who are resting in heaven, share something common. S. Azhar Zaidi arrived in this world whereas S.Ahmad Razvi left this world today. I am not writing this to pay any tribute or speak too highly of them. For that their children are good enough examples.

I got to know Azhar uncle because his son and my brother are two inseparable friends. He was known to me as a very placid person. A tall and bearded man with tendered expression to put you at ease right at the time of greeting; he never got me nervous. It was not till he came to stay at our place in his last days before flying to the USA, I observed him closely.

Azhar uncle, as usual, stayed quiet but sweet. He was at a loss of his memory but still he managed to remember me as I was a regular face to him after lunch or at dinner. He used to get his things done from his son while I keep listening to his childhood memories and home town stories. He taught me to be a patient listener with a keen interest in the conversation. Uncle was living in a flashback which made me realize that man remembers only what he enjoyed most when his conscience is unknown, the time of carelessness and being free.

He made me feel important for himself by asking where she is while eating his meal. Watching him going through the ordeal and still at peace was a lesson itself. He made me an accomplished being when I used to bring a smile on his face by consistently listening to him and getting inquisitive.

While he was drifting away, his family hold onto him, I consider him fortunate and well paid for his deeds in this life.

Friendly, humorous, informative, palmist, accomplished naval officer and a businessman, that was Baba, as we all knew him since day one.

Have you ever seen a father who carried an aura around him? I have seen Ahmad's uncle. We could easily share a laugh with him about his son or tease her daughter along with him. I befriended Razvis from the beginning of university time and I don’t regret it. They represented genuine arrogance to teach you a lesson for life. Later, they transform and lift you up to the best because that’s what has been instilled in them by their father.

Ahmad uncle was an exemplary father for every daughter present on earth. He made me experience the respect, love, fulfillment, togetherness, and enrichment of the most sacred relationship, marriage.

Do I need to say more?

I am writing this down to remind myself of the time when I learned how to be a parent to remember. You both are treasured and remembered by the person you least expected.

See you in heaven!!!

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Preciously Possessed

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-->“Nostalgia is like a grammar lesson: You find the present tense and the past perfect”

- Robert Orben, an American Magician

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I was reminiscing with a class fellow about old days at university when I came across the above quotation. You read it and say, nobody could be more honest and striking about being nostalgic.

Nostalgia is a feeling which can take over you at any point in time but winters savor it best. If I go back into time, along with all those who were around and accompanied me, I had the best of life indeed. While reading the quote, I realized that it’s a fact that we only miss our past when we go through a bitter present. Otherwise who would miss the bad patch? It’s only the goodness and sheer happiness of times we miss and obviously the people.

As time passes, we grow older and lose our freedom at the hand of time and others. All our life we want to grow up and jump from school to college to university. It’s only after those years when we are trapped in the vicious circle of responsibilities; we cherish what we had in those years. We had freedom and fun. The enthusiasm was filled in each small activity of life. Laughter wrappers were all around our days and nights. From a small Rs.5 Kit Kat to cheating in the quiz was our essence of life.

The maximum tension we suffered was maintaining a GPA or small heart-matters. I call them small because life has taught me what is BIG.

I still remember how we saw the first reporting of the Iraq War at a friend’s house and discussed it with her late father, Baba. We had huge dreams of changing the world and making our names in the history of time. Lifetime plans were discussed between the small spaces of the library or over Samosas (Potato Patty).

The freedom of dreams and imagination we experienced is priceless. We just didn’t know that out beyond these iron gates, the reality and responsibility both awaits us.

In winters, we want the warmth of our memories to wrap us, or else the season can leave its mark on us.

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I am happy that many of us hold a delightful past which makes us optimistic about the future and harbor our present.

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