خنکی --- Khunki

مجھے سرد راتیں ہمیشہ  سے ہی پسند تھیں. ایک طویل عرصے تک میں نے ان میں سکون پایا، لیکن یکدم وقت پلٹا اور یہی سردی  کی گہری خاموشیاں عجیب کھسر پھسر میں بدل گیی ..........غور سے سننے پر معلوم پڑا کہ یہ تو گزرا وقت اور اس میں گزرے میں اور تم ہیں.

تم جو کبھی میری راتوں کی سرگوشی تھے، میری نیند کی نرمی تھے، جانے کب مجھے کھلی آنکھوں میں چھوڑ کر چلے گئے. 

یہ جو خنک ہوا نا؟  چلتے چلتے تمہارا ہر خیال مجھے سناتی ہے.....پھر ہنس کر کہ دیتی ہے کہ، 

"تمہارا وجود اس کے خیال میں ٹھنڈا ہے بالکل اس سرد رات کی طرح !"

بانو سازی

٢٢ دسمبر، ٢٠١٤ 

رات ١٢:١٠ بجے 

Roman Urdu Version:

Mujhe sird raatein humesha say hi pasand theen. Ek taveel arsay tak maine unn main sukoon paaya, lekin yakdum waqt pal'ta aur isi sirdi ki gehri khamoshi'yan ajeeb khhusar phhusar main badal gayi'n..............Ghaur say sun'ne per maloom par'ra keh yeh tau guzra waqt aur us main guzray main aur tum hain.

Tum jo kabhi meri raaton ki sir'goshi they, meri neend ki narmi they, janay kab mujhe khuli aankhon main chorr kar chalay gaye.

Yeh jo khu'nk hawa haina?

Chaltay chaltay tumhara har khayal mujhe sunati hai.....phir han's kar keh deti hai keh, "tumhara wujood uss kay khayal main than'da hai bilkul iss sird raat ki tarha"

Continue Reading →

Love Undone

Sitting across the small meeting table, she saw him for the first time ever. Maroon shirt, black trousers with a look fixed to ground he spoke nothing till the end except when the co interviewer nudged him if he has anything to ask. He woke up from slumber as if, and asked where she sees herself in next 5 years. Usually, candidates give long answers with significant vocabulary while she uttered “I see myself in your place.”

It’s been 9 years and memory is still imprinted with this picture.

She thought of this memory while sun was still rising and she could see from the corner of her bed how the dark was turning into light. Her head was hanging half from the bed and blood was rushing in reverse just like she wanted to reverse the last few hours. The light appearing on the infinite appearance of sky wasn't powerful enough to clear the darkness of her desires.

The dignity that she earned was lost somewhere down the trance of ecstasy; a painful one.

She stayed there watching the full sunrise and suddenly she realized a flush of anger in her heart. It was a different anger which will continue to be with her for long or maybe lifelong.

Imaginations, dreams, desires, all come thrashing into her heart. Laying in his bed they both turned faces from each other with trail of thoughts.

“I always wanted it to be out of love and not lust.” That’s all she could say.

The lust that not even lasted for minutes and never reached her lips!

The least he could do was to make her feel loved.

With every passing moment that day onward, she started sulking in the loss of love. Her smile disappeared with a fake curve on her face to avoid explanation of her blank expression. She betrayed her own self that night for nothing but a tasteless, loveless, emotionless frenzy.

She left his bed without her soul.

Continue Reading →

Protagonist

It was 3:30 am to be exact when her eyes opened as if she never slept, very robotic or to be more modern I would like to call it a zombie moment. Her feet were cold despite the quilt was covering her from everywhere yet she gets up and sits squarely on the bed. There is her black pullover which was lying on the empty side of the bed; the only companion to make her feel warm. This pullover is just like instant noodles except that it provides instant warmth.

Right in front of her is the huge French window which opens out on this wide terrace overlooking the main road. At this wee hour everything is closed, hence she is awestruck by the silence of the hour. The usual routine on that corner of her building is to hear the running engines at the bus stop or the children screaming & playing around the pavement.  But right now it is so dead that suddenly her eyes get fixed on the red light blinking on the skyscrapers so when clouds come down, planes can make their way without hindrance.

Sitting on her bed, staring into the blank space with no noise going down the ears, she hears him turning in his bed in a room hardly 20 steps away from hers. While sitting on her bed, she turns her head as if she wants to hear him closely. Suddenly, she remembers the time he fell asleep on the sofa and she could make out the words from his breathing. This memory made her look back towards the window and remove the quilt from her now little sweaty feet. She gets out of the bed cautiously so he doesn't get disturbed by her bed’s churning sounds, and walk bare feet towards the window. Usually, it’s the day that brings hope but suddenly she finds hope with the falling darkness.

She turns her back towards the window and looks at the warm light coming from under the door. Before going to sleep every night this is a habit to keep a small warm light open at the main entrance. She looks at the light shed and takes small steps to open the door and leave the room quietly. Her feet are taking longer than usual to cover those 20 steps which usually take a nanosecond in daylight but right now this action is making her throat dry and shoulder stiff.

His door is slightly open as he never sleeps with the door closed. She looks at him from that thin opening and sees that white street light is falling on his sharp feature. She opens the door enough for her to enter and walk towards the other end of the bed and stand there looking at him. She breathes in and sits down on her knees on the cold tiled floor; a feeling that hurts normally but at this moment her mind was fixed on his face just like her eyes.

She raises her pretty hand and makes her fingers run through the contour of his face. He mumbles in his sleep and slightly tosses which made her hand stop right on his cheekbone. His face told her that either he is dreaming or trying to dream so she runs down her fingers to his lips, and at that very moment, he utters a name.

A name which is not hers and once again the night becomes cold!

Continue Reading →

Freezing Past

While reading “One Day”, I looked at time on my iPhone to decide whether I should sleep, and the change of date told me it’s going to be a sleepless night. Getting up on my elbows, I looked closely at calendar date counting years passed by; years spent well.

Fears repaired.

Inspirations instilled.

Aspirations achieved.

Smiles played.

Heart healed.

The night turned cold, hinting on upcoming winters and the warmth of my bed cover put me through a good night sleep.
I signature my past to ashes; it doesn’t worth more.

Continue Reading →

My Weekend Night's Companion :)

Continue Reading →

The Darker, The Brighter

-->

Welcome to the dark world for a brighter you.

A few nights back, while my nephews were playing online games on my hard-earned laptop, I felt the cold around coming from the window. The wall outside was almost dark with a slight shadow of light on it. I realized why do most of us contemplate our lives under the influence of night, not light?

I have always preferred night over day, except when I had my nightmares. It’s kind of much more serene and quiet and can be owned. Someone has already second my liking ages ago:

I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day.

~Vincent Van Gogh

Yes, it is indeed more alive because we get enough time to live it our way and richer because it has got our colors of thoughts.

Day time is kind of pre-occupied and hustle-bustle rules over. I get annoyed easily during the day because a lot of interruptions are there. At day, one thinks of how to earn whereas during night one ponder over why earn? See, the difference is, during day its all about others. But the night is all ours with all the liberty it holds for us. It arrives only for our existence, our reflection. Nights are so much as mothers, nurturing and prospering our inner selves.

Whereas days are like teachers who teach you, scare you and hold punishment and prizes altogether.

Once the sun sets, life bestows its brightness upon you. There is no rush, no race, and no wait. Dawn gives us hope and dusk, the reason for hope.

All my life, I have enjoyed reading, writing and thinking under the lamplight, not sunlight. Everyone else is asleep, hence the time and mind both are at my service, and I use them the way I want to.

Many poets/writers have mentioned the night, very pitiless as when they miss their darlings most. It is pictured as the time which is hard to spend under the longing thoughts. Now, if we look at it, isn’t it because nights give plenty of time to think of your hidden life, innermost philosophy, and the long lost love?

Yes.

Why not one feels sleepless at day time, why night? Because, we want to go into a state of ignorance (of others) during the day but the night doesn’t own us, we own it at our ease.

Unlike days, every night arrives with the promise of tranquility. We shape nights as per our choice while the day shapes us.

Embrace the darkness for the inner enlightenment!!!

Continue Reading →