پرانے وقتوں میں لوگ خط وغیرہ سنبھال کر رکھتے تھے. کبھی صندوقوں میں تو کبھی تکیے کے اندر، کتابوں کے بیچ یا پھر تہہ لگے کپڑوں کے درمیان سینت سینت کر.
ایسی تحریروں کا گمنامی میں رہنا ہی ان کے مالکان کے لئے عافیت تھا. ہر کاغذ ہر کسی کے لئے نہیں ہوتا. کچھ کاغذات کے جملہ حقوق محفوظ ہوتے ہیں. یہ وہ الفاظ ہوتے ہیں جو اکیلے میں پڑھو تو بنا بات رلا دیں یا بے وجہ ہنسا دیں.
صرف جائیدادیں نسل در نسل نہیں ہوتی، یہ خطوط بھی ہوتے ہیں. خطوط جن کی ملکیت میں حوالے کر دئے جاتے ہیں وہ یا تو سمجھتے نہیں ہیں یا سمجھ کر ضایع کرنا ہی بہتر سمجھتے ہیں.
میرے پاس بھی ہماری ایسی کچھ تحریریں ہیں !
ہزاروں، سینکڑوں تو نہیں لیکن اتنی ہیں جنہیں کوئی انگلیوں پر نہیں گن سکتا.
خیر گنّنا کیسا؟ کوئی کمائی تھوڑی نا ہے.
بس کاغذ پر روشن وقت ہے.
آٹھ سال کا وقت!
کچھ خط جو میرے ذھن میں ہی لکھے رہ گئے اور کچھ جو تم تک پہنچ گئے. اکیسویں صدی کہ لوگ ہیں ہم تو ہمارے الفاظ بھی جدید کاغذوں پر محفوظ ہیں.
عرصہ ہوا تھا قلم اٹھا کر کاغذ کو روشن کئے مگر یاد ہے نا ایک لکھا تھا تم کو چند سال پہلے؟
شاید نہ یاد ہو.
میں یاد نہیں تو میرا خط کیسے؟
یہ الفاظ بھی نا ....... وقت پرتو دھوکہ دے جاتے ہیں اور وقت گزرنے کے بعد اس دھوکے کی سزا کاٹتے ہیں. میں، تم، اور وقت تو گزر گئے یہ لیکن وہیں کے وہیں ثبت ہو کر رہ گئے. انہیں ابھی بھی شبہہ سا ہے یا تم پلٹو گے یا وقت.
لیکن یہ کیسے ممکن ہو کیوںکہ کچھ تحریروں کو صرف پڑھنا تھا، ان پر ایمان نہیں لانا تھا.
کتنی بار سوچا یہ سارے خطوط اور انکی نشانیاں مٹا دوں. عجیب بے جان سا بوجھ ہے لیکن ہر بار کوئی اچھی یاد سوچ کر بہانہ بنا کر رکھ لیا کہ یوں مسکرانے کی کوئی وجہ تو باقی ہے.
میں اکثر وہ خطوط کھول کر پڑھنے لگتی ہوں اور اس وقت سے گزرتی ہوں. آج بھی ایک خط کھول لیا اور بےدھیانی میں تمہارےبنے خواب پڑھنے لگی.
پہلی بار جب میں نےاس کو دیکھا تو مجھے لگا جیسے "وہ" سامنے آگیا ہو. اتنی گہری کالی آنکھیں لیکن بلکل خشک .....میں نے کتنی ہی بار انکو پڑھنا چاہا مگر ہزار غموں اور ایک ارمان کے سوا کچھ نہ دکھا.
اسے اجنبیوں سے کچھ خاص شغف نہیں لیکن پھر بھی وہ رش میں خود کو روز کھونے اور کھوجنے دونوں کی کوشش کرتا ہے. عجیب سا انسان ہے بالکل میرے جیسا .....جیسے فرشتوں نے ایک ہی خمیر سے اسکو اور مجھکو بنایا بس مجھے پہلے نازل کردیا.
کچھ لوگ اپنی مسکراہٹ سے لوگوں کو اپنی طرف مائل کرتے ہیں لیکن وہ اپنے کڑوے پن سے......ایک بار غلطی سے اس نے مجھے مسکرا کر دکھا دیا، میرا دل ہوا اس کے ہونٹ ہی سی دوں. اتنی جھوٹی اور طنزیہ تھی کے خدا دیکھ لیتا تو تا قیامت محرّم کا صور پھونک دیتا.
وہ جو کوئی بھی تھی اس گہرے ترین کنویں جیسے انسان سے پانی کا ڈول کھینچ لایئ تھی......لیکن اسکو سدا کے لئے پیاسا چھوڑ گیی تھی.
بچوں جیسی ضد ہے....اور تلاش ایک دم انجان جیسے دنیا میں کچھ ہو ہی نہ ہو اس کی نظر کے سامنے. الٹی مانگ میں خواہشیں سیدھی کرتا رہتا ہے اور آڑھی ترچھی یادیں سمیٹتا ہے.
آپ کبھی اسکو ملیں تو آپکو لگے گا عام سا نیم چڑھا کریلا ہے.
مجھے کیسا لگتا ہے؟
مجھے تو وہ ایسے ہی ملا تھا جیسے کسی آرٹ گیلری میں ایک کونے میں رکھا ہوا مجسّمہ جس پر ماضی کی گرد والی چادر پڑی تھی. میں نے جونہی چادر ہٹائی اس میں سانس چل پڑی. میرے لاکھ بار پوچھنے پر بھی اس نے تراشنے والے کا عشق نہ قبول کیا.
وہ مجسّمہ ہی تو ہے جس کے خد و خال ہر کوئی چھوتا ہے ......کچھ تو پوجتے بھی ہیں.
میں بس دور کھڑی ہنستی ہوں......اپنے ہی خمیر کا عکس دیکھتی ہوں.
وہ جس درد کے دریا میں غوطے کھا رہا ہے میں اسی دریا کی آخری تہہ میں دفن ہوں.
It was 3:30 am to be exact when her eyes opened as if she never slept, very robotic or to be more modern I would like to call it a zombie moment. Her feet were cold despite the quilt was covering her from everywhere yet she gets up and sits squarely on the bed. There is her black pullover which was lying on the empty side of the bed; the only companion to make her feel warm. This pullover is just like instant noodles except that it provides instant warmth.
Right in front of her is the huge French window which opens out on this wide terrace overlooking the main road. At this wee hour everything is closed, hence she is awestruck by the silence of the hour. The usual routine on that corner of her building is to hear the running engines at the bus stop or the children screaming & playing around the pavement. But right now it is so dead that suddenly her eyes get fixed on the red light blinking on the skyscrapers so when clouds come down, planes can make their way without hindrance.
Sitting on her bed, staring into the blank space with no noise going down the ears, she hears him turning in his bed in a room hardly 20 steps away from hers. While sitting on her bed, she turns her head as if she wants to hear him closely. Suddenly, she remembers the time he fell asleep on the sofa and she could make out the words from his breathing. This memory made her look back towards the window and remove the quilt from her now little sweaty feet. She gets out of the bed cautiously so he doesn't get disturbed by her bed’s churning sounds, and walk bare feet towards the window. Usually, it’s the day that brings hope but suddenly she finds hope with the falling darkness.
She turns her back towards the window and looks at the warm light coming from under the door. Before going to sleep every night this is a habit to keep a small warm light open at the main entrance. She looks at the light shed and takes small steps to open the door and leave the room quietly. Her feet are taking longer than usual to cover those 20 steps which usually take a nanosecond in daylight but right now this action is making her throat dry and shoulder stiff.
His door is slightly open as he never sleeps with the door closed. She looks at him from that thin opening and sees that white street light is falling on his sharp feature. She opens the door enough for her to enter and walk towards the other end of the bed and stand there looking at him. She breathes in and sits down on her knees on the cold tiled floor; a feeling that hurts normally but at this moment her mind was fixed on his face just like her eyes.
She raises her pretty hand and makes her fingers run through the contour of his face. He mumbles in his sleep and slightly tosses which made her hand stop right on his cheekbone. His face told her that either he is dreaming or trying to dream so she runs down her fingers to his lips, and at that very moment, he utters a name.
A name which is not hers and once again the night becomes cold!
With the end of year 2009, many of us make resolutions, ponder over past,forecast future or simply sleep over all these. I, instead, spent the night copying down some of my poetry and realized that my penned-down thoughts can provided me some penny sometime later in life.
In recent past, many of my Facebook friends have some way or other commented on my ever changing Super-Statii. This actually gave me a hint that I must keep a track of all of my deadly or delightful mental geniuses. Now the problem was how shall I find these status? A friend of mine posted an application where some of your year status appears as a collage. So I also tried it and found that I can see all my status and choose some for collage. So, I not only made the collage but made a collection of status as well. Isn't that super-duper time pass?
Though, the collection is of 2009 only, I am pretty sure that I must have posted some great thoughts prior to it under my ultra depressive mode.
I call this collection "Kulsaazi" meaning Kulsoom's craftsmanship. A combination of my name first 3 letters + saazi. Hmmmm, the word has one secret meaning as well but shhhhhhhhhh!!!!
Lets begin (categorically):
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-->Seventh Heaven:
1. I am blessed to be found again
2. After finding your missing element; the feeling is euphoric
3. In love one can wait forever and ever but won't change the deal
4. You worth all the effort
5. I know you hear me even when am quite and looking away.
6. And even if it takes a lifetime; I am ready
7. Aaj sunday hai, subha ko late hona chahiye
8. tum woh murshid ho jis kay haath per mureed baiyat le lay.....socho tum kon ho?
9. Lets become wanderers, at least this will keep us together
10. I had GOD till I had you.
11. If you have witnessed love, then you must have witnessed GOD on earth
12. You are my window to the another better world
Reality Bites:
1. Hence, I am what I am not.
2. I and the communication disparity
3. Wants to know at what speed her life is heading towards CHANGE?
4. Stumbled upon past, on my way to future through present
5. keep going back until one finds his way forward
6. I have been dreaming for so long, that if I open my eyes; I'll be blind
7. Living in a dream while breathing a reality
8. Till you don't get a hold on your future; past will keep ruining you
9. You know you are leaving me exactly where you found me from
10. An addition to my wish list "I want to travel with the protocol of 2 Mercs, 3 Camry, and several guard jeeps and commando bikes....who stop the whole traffic JUST FOR ME"
11. Construction of a dream lead to the destruction of reality but, the dream worth it
12. Hatred is a disease and I am ill
Impressively Depress:
1. Living your past Defacing my present Ostracizing our future Completely Crabbed !!!
2. I own failures and give disasters on rent.
3. Uninterrupted imagination required to spend life
4. Required: Uninterrupted Imagination
Available: Only interruptions, no imagination
5. I went missing
6. Love is an EXCUSE
7. Trapped in my own deeds, struggling with my own heart
8. Time ran backward while the world was moving forward.
9. humare pass yaadon ka zakheera aur barh jayega.......aur hum wapsee k rastay per usse uthaye lotengay........chalnay main thakan aur mushkil barh jayegi
10. The one who worth you will keep you, and not ruin you
11. Life sucks whenever it feels like
12. World apart with a dream together
13. I am my very own responsibility
14. My days are getting familiar to each other's pain
15. You cannot love me enough if you don't love my doings
Contemplating Codes:
1. Never give out your best till the best is given to you
2. It’s all about the beauty of being one.
3. I am part, of a nation not a denomination, a religion not a division
4. Life is as it was……useless
5. Money has its own demons
6. Don't think of unimportant people; it makes them important. Punish them
7. The second we think we are nothing without someone; GOD takes him away and tells you are nothing without ME.
8. Even freedom comes at a high cost and with boundaries......which are realized much later
9. We never knew the meaning of WORRIES, they were mere happiness
10. It takes no guts to be a bastard; some inherit it with all the pride and glory present on earth!!!
11. We are never confused. We are just incomplete
12. Nakaam muhabbat k afsane ya to buzdil banate hain ya baghi....umeed nahi dilate kabhi bhi
13. We are at loss because we focus too much on what we don't have, instead of what we have
14. Optimism is not the perspective I hold but what my friends hold for me
15. You are always ages away from what you want now and most, without any reason
16. People who ruin the time of 9 to 6 shall be generally known as jerks
17. Some things are complicated for no good reason
P.S. The above content is pure generation of my mind hence it is copyrighted. If you happen to copy/steal any, I will be glad if you ask me for that :)
