Selfie Time

Being alone is not being lonely.

This is something I learned 4 years ago when I bought a ticket for Tom Cruise’s new release Knight and Day. Being a foreigner, thousands of miles away from home and stuck up in a hotel room I felt too sad and stepped out for a movie. Before that, I never knew how to watch a movie in the cinema alone followed by dinner as well.

In all honesty, the movie was crap but I was happy as I had nobody to bother me about the story, cast, acting, and the popcorn was all mine. Later in the evening, I scouted through random restaurants checking out menus, specialties, and finally settling for my own rendezvous with Moroccan food.

We meet people every day. Some of them are friends, colleagues and above all, we have a family as well. Hence, being alone for some time is very important. You get to meet yourself and the world around you. You must learn the world and its mechanics. By mechanics, I don’t mean physics, chemistry, or math of earth.  I mean the people, the events, the daily miracles, and a new thing.

When surrounded by people, one can’t make a decision or a choice without being influenced even if it’s as minor as having a Coke or Pepsi. One may end up having water only.

My daily life doesn't even let me hear the traffic sounds because I drive with windows rolled up and music. But whenever possible, I take a walk empty-handed and drop an ear on conversations on my way. I look at couples on bike immersed in conversation, making small laughs, waiting for the red signal to go green without any agitation.

I learned it’s perfectly alright to smile back at strangers just like children do without knowing you.

The world is huge and there are so many people in it with story of their own, environments to explore, even sunsets and sunrise can be different.

Spend time with yourself. You owe it to your mind & body.

When I am alone, I am not lonely. I enjoy the company of my own.

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Love Undone

Sitting across the small meeting table, she saw him for the first time ever. Maroon shirt, black trousers with a look fixed to ground he spoke nothing till the end except when the co interviewer nudged him if he has anything to ask. He woke up from slumber as if, and asked where she sees herself in next 5 years. Usually, candidates give long answers with significant vocabulary while she uttered “I see myself in your place.”

It’s been 9 years and memory is still imprinted with this picture.

She thought of this memory while sun was still rising and she could see from the corner of her bed how the dark was turning into light. Her head was hanging half from the bed and blood was rushing in reverse just like she wanted to reverse the last few hours. The light appearing on the infinite appearance of sky wasn't powerful enough to clear the darkness of her desires.

The dignity that she earned was lost somewhere down the trance of ecstasy; a painful one.

She stayed there watching the full sunrise and suddenly she realized a flush of anger in her heart. It was a different anger which will continue to be with her for long or maybe lifelong.

Imaginations, dreams, desires, all come thrashing into her heart. Laying in his bed they both turned faces from each other with trail of thoughts.

“I always wanted it to be out of love and not lust.” That’s all she could say.

The lust that not even lasted for minutes and never reached her lips!

The least he could do was to make her feel loved.

With every passing moment that day onward, she started sulking in the loss of love. Her smile disappeared with a fake curve on her face to avoid explanation of her blank expression. She betrayed her own self that night for nothing but a tasteless, loveless, emotionless frenzy.

She left his bed without her soul.

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Protagonist

It was 3:30 am to be exact when her eyes opened as if she never slept, very robotic or to be more modern I would like to call it a zombie moment. Her feet were cold despite the quilt was covering her from everywhere yet she gets up and sits squarely on the bed. There is her black pullover which was lying on the empty side of the bed; the only companion to make her feel warm. This pullover is just like instant noodles except that it provides instant warmth.

Right in front of her is the huge French window which opens out on this wide terrace overlooking the main road. At this wee hour everything is closed, hence she is awestruck by the silence of the hour. The usual routine on that corner of her building is to hear the running engines at the bus stop or the children screaming & playing around the pavement.  But right now it is so dead that suddenly her eyes get fixed on the red light blinking on the skyscrapers so when clouds come down, planes can make their way without hindrance.

Sitting on her bed, staring into the blank space with no noise going down the ears, she hears him turning in his bed in a room hardly 20 steps away from hers. While sitting on her bed, she turns her head as if she wants to hear him closely. Suddenly, she remembers the time he fell asleep on the sofa and she could make out the words from his breathing. This memory made her look back towards the window and remove the quilt from her now little sweaty feet. She gets out of the bed cautiously so he doesn't get disturbed by her bed’s churning sounds, and walk bare feet towards the window. Usually, it’s the day that brings hope but suddenly she finds hope with the falling darkness.

She turns her back towards the window and looks at the warm light coming from under the door. Before going to sleep every night this is a habit to keep a small warm light open at the main entrance. She looks at the light shed and takes small steps to open the door and leave the room quietly. Her feet are taking longer than usual to cover those 20 steps which usually take a nanosecond in daylight but right now this action is making her throat dry and shoulder stiff.

His door is slightly open as he never sleeps with the door closed. She looks at him from that thin opening and sees that white street light is falling on his sharp feature. She opens the door enough for her to enter and walk towards the other end of the bed and stand there looking at him. She breathes in and sits down on her knees on the cold tiled floor; a feeling that hurts normally but at this moment her mind was fixed on his face just like her eyes.

She raises her pretty hand and makes her fingers run through the contour of his face. He mumbles in his sleep and slightly tosses which made her hand stop right on his cheekbone. His face told her that either he is dreaming or trying to dream so she runs down her fingers to his lips, and at that very moment, he utters a name.

A name which is not hers and once again the night becomes cold!

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