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Dec 31, 2014
Dec 22, 2014
Raakh راکھ
وہ بہت دیر سے میرے خیال کو سگریٹ کے دھویں میں دھندلانے کی کوشش کر رہا ہے بنا جانے کہ...........میں جل رہی ہوں!!
#بانوسازی
Dec 5, 2014
A True Story
You are the words,
I will never speak.
You are the touch,
I will never have.
You are the dream,
that walk by my side.
You are the ache,
that pinches my heart.
We are the end,
that never begun.
Because,
I am the love
you never fell for.
by Kulsoom B.
Dec 4th, 2014
11:34 pm
Nov 15, 2014
Selfie Time
Being alone is not being lonely.
This is something I learned 4 years ago when I bought a ticket for Tom Cruise’s new release Knight and Day. Being a foreigner, thousands of miles away from home and stuck up in a hotel room I felt too sad and stepped out for a movie. Before that, I never knew how to watch a movie in the cinema alone followed by dinner as well.
In all honesty, the movie was crap but I was happy as I had nobody to bother me about the story, cast, acting, and the popcorn was all mine. Later in the evening, I scouted through random restaurants checking out menus, specialties, and finally settling for my own rendezvous with Moroccan food.
We meet people every day. Some of them are friends, colleagues and above all, we have a family as well. Hence, being alone for some time is very important. You get to meet yourself and the world around you. You must learn the world and its mechanics. By mechanics, I don’t mean physics, chemistry, or math of earth. I mean the people, the events, the daily miracles, and a new thing.
When surrounded by people, one can’t make a decision or a choice without being influenced even if it’s as minor as having a Coke or Pepsi. One may end up having water only.
My daily life doesn't even let me hear the traffic sounds because I drive with windows rolled up and music. But whenever possible, I take a walk empty-handed and drop an ear on conversations on my way. I look at couples on bike immersed in conversation, making small laughs, waiting for the red signal to go green without any agitation.
I learned it’s perfectly alright to smile back at strangers just like children do without knowing you.
The world is huge and there are so many people in it with story of their own, environments to explore, even sunsets and sunrise can be different.
Spend time with yourself. You owe it to your mind & body.
When I am alone, I am not lonely. I enjoy the company of my own.
Nov 13, 2014
Love Undone
Sitting across the small meeting table, she saw him for the first time ever. Maroon shirt, black trousers with a look fixed to ground he spoke nothing till the end except when the co interviewer nudged him if he has anything to ask. He woke up from slumber as if, and asked where she sees herself in next 5 years. Usually, candidates give long answers with significant vocabulary while she uttered “I see myself in your place.”
It’s been 9 years and memory is still imprinted with this picture.
She thought of this memory while sun was still rising and she could see from the corner of her bed how the dark was turning into light. Her head was hanging half from the bed and blood was rushing in reverse just like she wanted to reverse the last few hours. The light appearing on the infinite appearance of sky wasn't powerful enough to clear the darkness of her desires.
The dignity that she earned was lost somewhere down the trance of ecstasy; a painful one.
She stayed there watching the full sunrise and suddenly she realized a flush of anger in her heart. It was a different anger which will continue to be with her for long or maybe lifelong.
Imaginations, dreams, desires, all come thrashing into her heart. Laying in his bed they both turned faces from each other with trail of thoughts.
“I always wanted it to be out of love and not lust.” That’s all she could say.
The lust that not even lasted for minutes and never reached her lips!
The least he could do was to make her feel loved.
With every passing moment that day onward, she started sulking in the loss of love. Her smile disappeared with a fake curve on her face to avoid explanation of her blank expression. She betrayed her own self that night for nothing but a tasteless, loveless, emotionless frenzy.
She left his bed without her soul.
Nov 1, 2014
Protagonist
It was 3:30 am to be exact when her eyes opened as if she never slept, very robotic or to be more modern I would like to call it a zombie moment. Her feet were cold despite the quilt was covering her from everywhere yet she gets up and sits squarely on the bed. There is her black pullover which was lying on the empty side of the bed; the only companion to make her feel warm. This pullover is just like instant noodles except that it provides instant warmth.
Right in front of her is the huge French window which opens out on this wide terrace overlooking the main road. At this wee hour everything is closed, hence she is awestruck by the silence of the hour. The usual routine on that corner of her building is to hear the running engines at the bus stop or the children screaming & playing around the pavement. But right now it is so dead that suddenly her eyes get fixed on the red light blinking on the skyscrapers so when clouds come down, planes can make their way without hindrance.
Sitting on her bed, staring into the blank space with no noise going down the ears, she hears him turning in his bed in a room hardly 20 steps away from hers. While sitting on her bed, she turns her head as if she wants to hear him closely. Suddenly, she remembers the time he fell asleep on the sofa and she could make out the words from his breathing. This memory made her look back towards the window and remove the quilt from her now little sweaty feet. She gets out of the bed cautiously so he doesn't get disturbed by her bed’s churning sounds, and walk bare feet towards the window. Usually, it’s the day that brings hope but suddenly she finds hope with the falling darkness.
She turns her back towards the window and looks at the warm light coming from under the door. Before going to sleep every night this is a habit to keep a small warm light open at the main entrance. She looks at the light shed and takes small steps to open the door and leave the room quietly. Her feet are taking longer than usual to cover those 20 steps which usually take a nanosecond in daylight but right now this action is making her throat dry and shoulder stiff.
His door is slightly open as he never sleeps with the door closed. She looks at him from that thin opening and sees that white street light is falling on his sharp feature. She opens the door enough for her to enter and walk towards the other end of the bed and stand there looking at him. She breathes in and sits down on her knees on the cold tiled floor; a feeling that hurts normally but at this moment her mind was fixed on his face just like her eyes.
She raises her pretty hand and makes her fingers run through the contour of his face. He mumbles in his sleep and slightly tosses which made her hand stop right on his cheekbone. His face told her that either he is dreaming or trying to dream so she runs down her fingers to his lips, and at that very moment, he utters a name.
A name which is not hers and once again the night becomes cold!
Oct 26, 2014
Educate Waziristan
I am the kind of person who loves striking up a conversation with random strangers when traveling. It gives me the knowledge which no book, blog, or site can provide. This is pure first hand, eye witness sort of accounts which mostly brings an interesting perspective to my thought process.
When I say random people, I even speak to fruit sellers or taxi drivers for that matter. Today it was a taxi driver from Waziristan; a war-stricken area for over a decade on the borders of Pakistan & Afghanistan.
Dubai is full of Pathan, Malayalam, Sikh or Bengali drivers and every time I surprise them by speaking in Urdu or Hindi because of my looks will deceive them as if I am an Arab. Their surprise turn into happiness and lead to a conversation from expensive South Indian weddings to Haseena Wajid and how she will be punished by God.
Mostly Pathans I have spoken to in and out of Pakistan are pro-Taliban but today I got lucky.
Sadiq, hailing from a small village in South Waziristan is working as a taxi driver in Dubai for the past 6 years. His family moved out of Waziristan and settled in D.I.Khan in the late 90’s but the whole war/operation situation made them lose people, property, and above all educational resources.
According to Sadiq, only education can eliminate the root of evil called the Taliban. Even to understand the difference between heaven or hell or to read Quran in detail you require educational skills which these Taliban are taking away from us. I was shocked when he said that “Madam,brain wash unhi ka hoga jin kay dimagh main taleem naam ki cheez nahi hogi. Taleem ayegi tau soch bhi paida hogi.”
Sadiq’s family and relatives have land near Miranshah and they also work on contract for constructions yet they don’t live on that side. For the sake of children’s education, they are now living in Attock, Punjab and he sounded very proud of telling me that his son is in class II. When I asked what else he expects this education will bring to his people, he replied “Education hogi tau West ka muqabla hoga warna baatein tau Imran aur Fazlur Rahman bhi karlete hain.”
When I left his cab I was content & smiling, knowing that my countrymen are on the path for which Malala and many others fight every day.
Sep 22, 2014
Daydreaming
"If only you could let me walk my fingers on those bruises, I promise they will heal by the time we open our eyes in the sunshine."
Picture Courtesy: Wordpress
Sep 8, 2014
During the day.....
"When the screen changes itself to reflect your face,
voices turn into your laughter,
and
thoughts become your house,
I raise the volume of the music."
Sep 6, 2014
Trust me when I say.....
I am no fool.
We call it love!
Jul 13, 2014
Phir Say......
مجھے اک بار پھر تم سے عشق سے پہلے والی محبّت ہورہی ہے ..... جس میں مجھے وقت کی رفتار بھول جاتی ہے اور بلاوجہ کی مسکراہٹ چہرے پر لپٹی پڑی رہتی ہے.
جانتے ہو اتنے عرصے میں تو حکومت بدل جاتی، ان کے حامی بدل جاتے ہیں. لوگ زندہ مردہ ہوجاتے ہیں، نسلیں جواں ہوجاتی ہیں، برف کے تودے پگھل جاتے ہیں، سورج کی تپش بڑھ جاتی ہے. پھر میں اور تم کیوں نہیں؟ سنتے تھے وقت کسی کے لئے نہیں ٹھہرتا.....خیر ، جب دل ٹھہر جائے تو وقت کی اوقات نہیں رہتی.
میں تو اس چاند رات ہی ٹھہر گئی تھی جب گلابی چوڑیاں ہاتھ میں لے کر اتری اور دور بیاباں سے ایک فون کال بجی . تم نے کہا جہاں تم ہو وہاں صبح کی ضمانت نہیں تو آج ہی مبارک لے لو عید کی. نہ جانے کیسےجانے میں انجانے کے لئے میری عید عاشور میں بدل گئی.
لیکن میں ٹھہر گئی!
خدا جانے تم کب ٹھہرے؟
شاید اس روز جناح برج پر سے گھر کو پلٹتے ہوئے یا شاید پھر اس قلعہ کے سناٹے میں جہاں میرے خیال کے سوا کچھ نہ تھا.
کیا فرق پڑتا ہے؟
جانتے ہو اتنے عرصے میں تو حکومت بدل جاتی، ان کے حامی بدل جاتے ہیں. لوگ زندہ مردہ ہوجاتے ہیں، نسلیں جواں ہوجاتی ہیں، برف کے تودے پگھل جاتے ہیں، سورج کی تپش بڑھ جاتی ہے. پھر میں اور تم کیوں نہیں؟ سنتے تھے وقت کسی کے لئے نہیں ٹھہرتا.....خیر ، جب دل ٹھہر جائے تو وقت کی اوقات نہیں رہتی.
میں تو اس چاند رات ہی ٹھہر گئی تھی جب گلابی چوڑیاں ہاتھ میں لے کر اتری اور دور بیاباں سے ایک فون کال بجی . تم نے کہا جہاں تم ہو وہاں صبح کی ضمانت نہیں تو آج ہی مبارک لے لو عید کی. نہ جانے کیسےجانے میں انجانے کے لئے میری عید عاشور میں بدل گئی.
لیکن میں ٹھہر گئی!
خدا جانے تم کب ٹھہرے؟
شاید اس روز جناح برج پر سے گھر کو پلٹتے ہوئے یا شاید پھر اس قلعہ کے سناٹے میں جہاں میرے خیال کے سوا کچھ نہ تھا.
کیا فرق پڑتا ہے؟
عشق تو ساتھ ہی پروان چڑھا.....امر بیل کے جیسا !!
#بانوسازی
Jul 11, 2014
Awakening
And then the morning shone
in my eyes,
enough to blind
the dream of togetherness
from the previous night.
Kulsoom B.
Jul 11th, 2014
8:10am
May 8, 2014
Munja'mid (Frozen)
،دن تو گزر ہی جاتا ہے
بس شب یوں ٹھہر سی جاتی ہے.
.تمھارے بعد
آنکھوں کے جزیرے پر
.طغیانی ابھر جاتی ہے.
Kulsoom B.
May 8th, 2014
1:15am
Jan 13, 2014
Darve'sh
Tumhari yaad say fursa'at jo mil jaye,
Bey jurm meri zaat mujrim hojaye,
Manzil say maqsad ko chorr atay hain,
Jin ko bhatak'ne ki aadat lag jaye.
by Kulsoom B.
Dec 23rd, 2013
10:59 pm
Jan 9, 2014
Living in a Bubble
Write?
Write for the cause?
Maybe not!
My words are my personal cause; a cause of catharsis. I write down my dreams, pour my imagination for peace, harmony, and love. It is my world where I escape through tiny alphabets on a narrow road of freedom.
If one had to born and brought in midst of violence, then they look for “flight of fantasy”; a fantasy where they wander at the edge of the world in search of their “other” being.
The world around me is all grey, and the only color I have is the color of blood, freezing blood. My words create a canvas unknown to the known where I can put the colors and put up a landscape away from reality.
This place is my fantasy, where he is the gladiator and I am the writer!
،سہمے سے رہتے ہیں، جب یہ دن ڈھلتا ہے
.ایک دیا جلتا ہے، ایک دیا بجھتا ہے
Jan 5, 2014
Dholna Mahi
جب کبھی کوئی سفید کاغذ دیکھتی ہوں تو جانتے ہو کیا خیال آتا ہے ؟
جی میں ان پہاڑوں پر لکھنے کا دل کرتا ہے جن پر کھڑے ہو کر تم جنوب و شمال وادیاں دیکھتے ہو . ان راستوں کی داستان لکھ ڈالوں جن پر سے تم گزر کر اپنی کامیابی کا ڈنکا بجاتے ہو
اس ہوا کا ذکر کروں جو مجھ سے ہوکر تم تک پہنچ تو جاتی ہے، مگر راستے کی . گردشیں اسے تم تک پہنچنے سے پہلے ہی سرد کر دیتی ہیں . جلتی بجھتی اس آگ کی روشن چنگاریوں میں اپنے سایے کی لکیر کھینچوں
!مگر میں کچھ نہیں لکھتی
کیوں کے پھر ہجر لکھوں، فاصلے لکھوں، گلے کروں، شکوے سناؤں
.......اب ان کی ضرورت نہیں، وقت نے ہمیں صبر دے دیا، اور ہم نے اپنی محبّت
Kulsoom B.
Jan 5th, 2014
11:55 pm
