I was 8 or 9 years old when my mother's best
friend was visiting us from a different city. Since she was
visiting us after some time, my mother decided to give them gifts before they
leave which included my new, untouched dress to her friend’s daughter.
It is obvious that my mother managed to source me another
new dress the very next day, but it couldn’t make me as happy as expected. This
memory is so vivid as if happened yesterday.
You know, why?
Because this was the first time I experienced a heartbreak through a loss of something I loved.
I was unable to enjoy my new dress despite as a child, I
loved new clothes.
A heartbreak disables the senses to feel the fullness of
emotion. Any emotion. Be it your happiness, sadness, or even anger. Your body
refuses to experience the momentary pinnacle of that feeling, leaving you
indifferent towards the severity of that event.
When my mother pestered me to let her give away that dress,
I remember crying and putting up a fight because I had energy in me.
Standing today, in front of the mirror, in my mid-30s, if
you ask me, I possess the same energy to fight back after a heartbreak. My
answer will be a straight no!
We all have heard that life is not a bed of roses, but
that’s a half-cooked piece of information. They forgot to tell us the type of
thorns we will have to face and how long they going to hurt. Finding all of
this on our own can not only be exhausting but leave some of us with emptiness.
In my case, it is numbness.
Some of us start fighting our battles from early childhood
such as taking the burden of handling younger siblings or competing with our
cousins to secure better marks in our studies. Many of us went through
organized bullying at school for our looks or with our extended families for
different socio-economic reasons.
All in all, these are the fights that we start fighting
internally while externally we find coping mechanisms. It can be in the shape
of a company of friends, getting lost in books, or just picking a useless fight
with everyone at home. This mechanism does not last very long because it does
not heal us.
We lose a little bit of us as we grow up and start getting
drained. It is not necessary that every time we must give back to the world, to
the people around us. This is something we all need to learn early in life that
giving away too many emotions can leave you empty and callous.
This whole process includes several heartbreaks, but we were
young. We picked up our pieces and became whole again. But not for very long!
Over the years, our emotional well being gets compromised on
our way to be a little more loved. Instead, most of us got a little more hurt.
As much as hope and love is what keeps the world going, we cannot deny the
strength we invest to keep it going.
Every time I have loved and lost, I realized how stronger my
heart became. So strong that now it is indifferent to the pain of loss. Life
has made us struggled and fought so much already that moving forward, I want
one less battle to fight.
We owe this to our broken heart and tired soul!
