"سوگ"

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Note of Gratitude

For the past few years, I haven’t spent my life without a sensation. My senses either went through love or hate or even anger sometimes. During all these years, I tried to desensitize myself from all those events of life which could take its toll on me.

I have succeeded finally.

I am deaf to the rhythm of life.

I am blind to the colors of the rainbow.

I am mute to speak of eternal pain.

Thank YOU!

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While the fountains danced, I wrote.

Sometimes you just need a hit, a hit strong enough to break you into tiny pieces.

This hit can be emotional, financial or even physical but it must break your personified shell so your true strength can come out and shine. One may be broken through worst of worst means, either he gives up or looks for means to gather himself and be a diamond. Why I say diamond? Because it’s a found amongst darkest and most uneven curves; once it is rigorously polished and shaped, it picks its worth.

We, humans, are more or less the same, we discover ourselves in dark and downtimes. That’s the only time when we literally shake ourselves to the core and surprise ourselves with a silver lining inside.

Once it’s over, nothing more can hit you or either you don’t let it hit you.

You become shockproof !!!

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Post - Confession

You: I wonder how I will spend the rest of the days & nights without you beside me.

Me: Trust me…… time will make it easier for you. I will become a part of your day & night but not your day & night as of now.

You: How can you say that?

Me: I have experienced that with you. I am your feeling of luxury love…….. A luxury that is going nowhere; courtesy a promise.

You: I respect your opinion but with a disagreement.

Me: I know you are there for me, and I am here for you. Yet it’s not enough.

You: How?

Me: I want my breathing to smell of this relationship ………. I want this relationship to be the currents of my mind that create a spark between us……I want my eyes to hold on to this relationship as never ending dream……. My hands should reach out for this dream more often…… This relationship should sink into my soul.
I want our relationship to be anything …….

But a routine!!!

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I value myself !!!

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Lately, I have been trying to freeze the world to avoid interruptions. Sadly, these interruptions don’t let me imagine the frozen world, let alone make it a reality.

Interruptions have variable meaning to everyone. For me, the most annoying disruption is from people who don’t put themselves in other shoes, yet not refrain from passing judgments. These people can be anyone from your family to friends to foes. They step on your feet and tell you it’s not painful at all and you must believe them.

During the last two years, I have learned my lesson a hard way about dealing with social pressures and how to cope up without taking any oral help. From left, right and center I witnessed people putting subliminal force on me for their own interest and in the end leaving it on me to choose. To their surprise, I chose what I wanted instead of giving into theirs.

One thing is for sure, no one can access your worth except your own self. Be it your parents, siblings, spouse, children, friends, etc, they all see yours through their own eyes and mind. People sometimes look up to me for strength and inspiration because I am a few of the females who stand up and fight for a right granted to them. I make some people jealous too. I am sure, I make them think that they are more miserable because they could not find the courage to come out of that misery.

I tell them it’s you who has to decide and take charge of your life. When all is good in your life, the social circle takes the credit by saying “US” and if it goes another way around, it simply becomes “YOU”. So if in the end, it’s always about you, be it you with whatever you choose not others.

Yesterday, I read a couplet behind a bus saying

Hoti jo muhabbat khoon kay rishton main,

Bikte na Yusuf, Misr kay bazaaron main.

(If there was any love in blood relation,

Prophet Yusuf would not have been sold

in markets of Egypt)

GOD must have sent us to this world to understand our being and value it.

So as long as we are alive, don’t be at others’ mercy, or you will be sold cheap. We cannot get as lucky as Hazrat Yusuf A.S. hence only our strength can lead us to our liberty from society and its unseen/unborn interests.

Whenever I start feeling low and question myself, I remind myself that am HIS creation, hence worth a lot more than anyone else could access.

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The Darker, The Brighter

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Welcome to the dark world for a brighter you.

A few nights back, while my nephews were playing online games on my hard-earned laptop, I felt the cold around coming from the window. The wall outside was almost dark with a slight shadow of light on it. I realized why do most of us contemplate our lives under the influence of night, not light?

I have always preferred night over day, except when I had my nightmares. It’s kind of much more serene and quiet and can be owned. Someone has already second my liking ages ago:

I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day.

~Vincent Van Gogh

Yes, it is indeed more alive because we get enough time to live it our way and richer because it has got our colors of thoughts.

Day time is kind of pre-occupied and hustle-bustle rules over. I get annoyed easily during the day because a lot of interruptions are there. At day, one thinks of how to earn whereas during night one ponder over why earn? See, the difference is, during day its all about others. But the night is all ours with all the liberty it holds for us. It arrives only for our existence, our reflection. Nights are so much as mothers, nurturing and prospering our inner selves.

Whereas days are like teachers who teach you, scare you and hold punishment and prizes altogether.

Once the sun sets, life bestows its brightness upon you. There is no rush, no race, and no wait. Dawn gives us hope and dusk, the reason for hope.

All my life, I have enjoyed reading, writing and thinking under the lamplight, not sunlight. Everyone else is asleep, hence the time and mind both are at my service, and I use them the way I want to.

Many poets/writers have mentioned the night, very pitiless as when they miss their darlings most. It is pictured as the time which is hard to spend under the longing thoughts. Now, if we look at it, isn’t it because nights give plenty of time to think of your hidden life, innermost philosophy, and the long lost love?

Yes.

Why not one feels sleepless at day time, why night? Because, we want to go into a state of ignorance (of others) during the day but the night doesn’t own us, we own it at our ease.

Unlike days, every night arrives with the promise of tranquility. We shape nights as per our choice while the day shapes us.

Embrace the darkness for the inner enlightenment!!!

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