Lying almost lifeless on bed, after making a compromise, she tried looking for love between the creases that appeared on her bedsheet. To her dismay, the smell of love smelled sweat only. A feeling, she presumed to fulfill her existence left her hollow instead. A moment of despair filled her mind with the time she felt loved without being touched. She gathered herself in her own body, with a bruised soul only to have a look in the mirror. The reflection told her the truth of life; lock the soul, free your body. Long ago, her soul was left and locked in his reflection. He, who dusted the dirt of life, brought her to the substance. The transparency helped her see the beauty of life and living it. They were a mirror to each other. They broke the mirrors themselves to leave their crystal selves locked into each other. ………………… Retreating to the reality.
I don’t believe much in Mr. Right, since most of them happen to become wrong at some point of life. Since am an announced single and much naïve in knowing men, a friend keeps sharing dating advice with me. The recent one really makes some sense to me so I thought I must distribute it to everyone who is about to fall in a trap or already fallen.
The 5 traits to look for, are essentials indeed.
None of the advice belongs to me or my friend. It’s by dating expert Lisa Steadman.
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Dating Trait #1: He listens to you
The best way to know if Mr. Next is interested in (and worthy of) being a candidate for Mr. Right? He listens to you. You'll know he's listening when he shows genuine concern, consistently remembers things you've told him (your birthday, favorite food, best friend's name, etc.), and offers emotional support in honest and thoughtful ways.
Dating Trait #2: He connects with you easily
We've all been in those relationships that take W-O-R-K (and suck the life force out of us in the process). When a relationship works on its own, it feels effortless, easy, and fluid. You don't have to force anything, forgive anyone, or turn a blind eye to red flags or gut-twisters. Instead, you communicate and collaborate with comfort, compatibility, and undeniable chemistry. If and when you experience this kind of interaction, you are on to something really special.
Dating Trait #3: He wants the real you
So often, women feel the need to sacrifice some part of themselves to make a relationship work. In the right relationship, there's no need. You don't have to hide, tone down, or apologize for any aspect of you or your fabulous life. With the right partner, you're not only able to be yourself, but you're better able to be the best version of your most authentic self -- no compromises needed.
Dating Trait #4: He's trustworthy
A relationship without trust is doomed from the start. But a relationship with abundant trust? A fabulous foundation for real and lasting love! Built over time, trust is based on the simple belief system that your partner has your best interests at heart and will never intentionally hurt you (and vice versa). If and when you discover that Mr. Next is 100 percent trustworthy, you'll have no trouble giving your heart to him. In return, he'll most likely give you his heart and pave the way for a lasting, loving relationship to unfold.
Dating Trait #5: He enriches your life
In the wrong relationship, your partner tears you to emotional shreds, brings you down, and in general drains your energy. In the right relationship, he enriches your life, inspires you to be your best self, and brings a sense of peace and possibility to you. You'll know Mr. Next is enriching your life if and when he encourages and supports you professionally, personally, and spiritually. And when he does, he may just be Mr. Right!
Lately, I have been trying to freeze the world to avoid interruptions. Sadly, these interruptions don’t let me imagine the frozen world, let alone make it a reality.
Interruptions have variable meaning to everyone. For me, the most annoying disruption is from people who don’t put themselves in other shoes, yet not refrain from passing judgments. These people can be anyone from your family to friends to foes. They step on your feet and tell you it’s not painful at all and you must believe them.
During the last two years, I have learned my lesson a hard way about dealing with social pressures and how to cope up without taking any oral help. From left, right and center I witnessed people putting subliminal force on me for their own interest and in the end leaving it on me to choose. To their surprise, I chose what I wanted instead of giving into theirs.
One thing is for sure, no one can access your worth except your own self. Be it your parents, siblings, spouse, children, friends, etc, they all see yours through their own eyes and mind. People sometimes look up to me for strength and inspiration because I am a few of the females who stand up and fight for a right granted to them. I make some people jealous too. I am sure, I make them think that they are more miserable because they could not find the courage to come out of that misery.
I tell them it’s you who has to decide and take charge of your life. When all is good in your life, the social circle takes the credit by saying “US” and if it goes another way around, it simply becomes “YOU”. So if in the end, it’s always about you, be it you with whatever you choose not others.
Yesterday, I read a couplet behind a bus saying
Hoti jo muhabbat khoon kay rishton main,
Bikte na Yusuf, Misr kay bazaaron main.
(If there was any love in blood relation,
Prophet Yusuf would not have been sold
in markets of Egypt)
GOD must have sent us to this world to understand our being and value it.
So as long as we are alive, don’t be at others’ mercy, or you will be sold cheap. We cannot get as lucky as Hazrat Yusuf A.S. hence only our strength can lead us to our liberty from society and its unseen/unborn interests.
Whenever I start feeling low and question myself, I remind myself that am HIS creation, hence worth a lot more than anyone else could access.
"Life does become a little harder without a companion, but worst if a wrong companion."
--- My random realization
After seeing the ups and downs and disasters of relationships in my very own life, I concluded the above. Many argued that you are asking for too much in a companion whereas I stood by my right to living life with the right one. Companionship comes out of ourselves and not out of love/arrange marriage.
We seek the right companionship somewhere in our long list of compromises (moral or immoral). What we tend to forget that if love exists between the two, there is nothing called compromise but more of companionship. And companions never ask for compromise but mutual nourishment and fulfilling lives together.
In recent times, when I have become more observant and empathetic towards people, I see that incompleteness prevails and missing links can be identified easily. I have a strong conviction that if we choose the right person for ourselves, we not only will become better selves but build a better society. It is this missing link that leads many of us towards moral crimes such as infidelity, domestic violence, mentally disturbed generations, and many more.
The dilemma of our generation is that we know the nurturing, fulfillment, and consideration. And there is no harm in it. For a better and long term companionship, we all need to cultivate our partners.
Now the question is why we are unable to land with the right one?
Several reasons can make their place in my mind and that too genuinely. But one tops them all and that is we ourselves choose the wrong one. It is maybe due to our lack of human analysis, poor understanding of our needs in a partner, false belief in promises made by other (in)significant. Mankind tends to change as per circumstances and when we face those changes; we realize the blunder we made. So firstly, we need to know what kind of person do we exactly want and what actually makes us happy instead of others.
But wait!
It’s not only us. The society also plays a pivotal role here. Family, extended family, siblings, also mislead us and we fall into the traps. Our elders and peers tend to find life partners on their face values such as education, character, looks, background, job, salary, etc. What about the person himself and his adjustment with the partner? To avoid the after disasters, one needs to look beyond the material stats.
I pity many of those who are entangled in a relationship out of social duty, family respect, and children. In our society it’s near to impossible for a couple to detach if they are parents, despite the several differences they continue to face till end. I agree with this practice because what children have to do with elders’ mistakes. Let’s not punish them.
Each one of us has the religious and social right to choose our life partner and pattern both. Life comes once with all its grace and disgrace, be sure to spend with the one who can save you from the disgrace.
Love is all about having a companion who brings the best out of you; show you yourself that was unknown to you even. It is exactly like finding a pearl beneath the darkest beds of the sea.
